So, the other day was my birthday…

and I turned 34. Boo yah. I’ve been a bit down since then, lost my momentum somehow.

Things with the band have been going well. Now that I’ve got a good level of restriction I’m losing about 1 – 1.5kg a week. But I’m just not feeling it at the moment.

I had been going so well with the gym, 3 -4 visits a week, a low impact class every 2 weeks or so, a personal training session, visible evidence of increased fitness and tone – the natural exercise high turned up to MAX. Then poof! it’s all gone. I just feel flat and washed out. I looked at myself in the mirror and a little voice said – “who do you think you’re kidding, you’re still fat, you’ve got years to go”. Reality bites.

no further movement

I still haven’t sent back the paperwork to the psychologist. I vacillate between wanting to just send them to get them off my desk, and desperately wishing I hadn’t filled them out until I’d carefully analysed each and every question.

I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to be over-thinking the process this much, but it’s par for the course for me I find.

Psychological assessment…

I just received the psychological assessment paperwork in the mail.

The practice I attend works with two pre-operative psychologists. I called the first one and made an appointment about a month ago. On Friday he called to change the time of the appointment, when I couldn’t change the time he became very beligerent. I contacted the other psychologist and have scheduled an appointment with him.

The first guy charges $80, this guy charges $165. The $80 guy is apparently of the “turn up, so-you-want-a-lap-band, ok, good luck” variety, $165 guy sent me a thick packet of information, and a 50 page personal/weight/family/psychological inventory, that I need to set aside 2hrs to complete.

As much as I welcome the opportunity to be frank, honest and open, the suspicious perfectionist in me is worried about giving the wrong answer, about giving an impression I didn’t intend, about being good enough to warrant surgery, and saying the right things in order to be allowed to continue.

This is an internal decision that I don’t feel I should have to explain or justify to anyone but myself. I don’t think I can fill out all of the questions, and I don’t want to post it back to him prior to our session – I would be more comfortable to give it to him in person. I’m not comfortable with the idea that his reception staff might read my answers.